How to overcome the fear of abandonment?

The fear of abandonment is probably one of the most terrifying sensations we experience in relationships. When you have the fear of abandonment you are experiencing triggers in many different ways, from your person not answering your text right away to the sensation of being alone even when surrounded by people.

How to overcome the fear of abandonment

Like the majority of our wounds, the fear of abandonment is rooted in your childhood. This can be a trauma coming from the moment you lost your parents in the supermarket. Or a moment where your parents didn’t answer to your needs or weren’t there for you. It might have happened only once and yet create a permanent fear within you.

From your experience, the fear of abandonment might seem super hard to overcome. But that’s because you lived with it for so long that you have no idea who you are without. It feels like it is a part of you. But the fear is not a part of you, the child having the fear is, and that is what we need to heal.

How to overcome the fear of abandonment in 3 simple steps?

1. Try reparenting your inner child

You are not the one fearing to be abandoned. Your inner child is. The fear you are experiencing is a reflection of the fear from the past. Healing your wounded inner child will bring you the understanding that no one can abandon you now. Because you are not this child anymore, you are an adult, and you can take care of yourself.

Do you want to learn how to heal your inner child? Download my free ebook “Reparent your inner child in seven days”

2. Be mindful of the moments you are abandoning yourself

You know, those moments when you expect somebody else to take care of you to the point where you forget that you can do it on your own. You might expect your partners or friends to rescue you and take care of you. Or you are doing something that is not good for your physical and emotional health but you do it anyway, hoping that something is going to stop you. That is self-abandonment.

Quick action step: Make a list of all the moments you are doing something that brings pain but you don’t see how you can stop doing it.

how to overcome the fear of abandonment

Stopping self-abandonment requires new habits because this all comes from old patterns of conditioning. Consider a private healing session to work on those patterns and create healthier habits.

3. Share your fear of abandonment

You are not alone. And if the fear of abandonment brings anxiety or pain then you should share it with your person. Creating safe and healthy relationships come from the two people that are in it. That’s conscious work. Share your worries, the root of it, create an intimate moment when you can open and be vulnerable. Every time you are going to open more and be allowed to express your feelings you will give your nervous system the information that you are safe.

Create safe and authentic relationships

Creating safe and authentic relationships requires work. The behavior of your partner can trigger traumas and fears. But trying to avoid yourself won’t resolve the trigger. Because of the belief that traumas are hard to release you might resist this change. But if you close your eyes and imagine what your life would be without this fear, what is coming up for you? Leave a comment below, and share about your experience!

Do you want to learn how to create authentic relationships? Join my masterclass on Sunday 25th October. We will cover how to overcome the fear of abandonment, create more safety in our lives, and heal the wounded inner child.


I am Héra, Spiritual teacher and intuitive healer and the Creator of Love Is the First Step. My purpose is to bring joy and peace in your relationships through a journey to self-love. 

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