Why the emotionally unavailable Salmon will remain unavailable
Getting out of the Salmon Syndrome
You might know these memes that go across the internet about the emotionally unavailable salmon that we can’t keep our eyes off ?
This is it :
Who is the emotionally unavailable salmon ?
The emotionally unavailable salmon is this person that you are going after, even when you only receive a small amount of attention, or none. This is the one you keep having hope for because you perceived a glimpse of their soul and you are expecting their behavior to match that amazing soul that lies behind. But it doesn't. And it doesn't because that beautiful part of them that you are seeing is passed through the filter of the mind/ego where lies the limitations and fears. So when you perceive the deep loving character of the Salmon in one passing glance, you might expect It to be always like this.
But It is impossible. The Salmon become suddenly avoidant, it stops texting, stops calling for a while, pretends lack of time or things to do. And then It comes back, full in, loving and caring like the Salmon that It is. And when you are seeing the Salmon like this, you then enter the field of flowers where everything seems to work well between you two and where your hopes and dreams of a future take place. But once again you are showing a bit more love and will of commitment and this disturbs the Salmon. It suddenly become avoidant again, starts calling you "pal" or "buddy", show you how there are so many people that are SO important in its life, giving you the subtle message of "I am not available for you". If you ask it, it will say words like "I am not ready", "I don't feel that way about you", "we are just friends". While almost having its toothbrush at your place (Yeah, Salmons wash their teeth).
What is happening now is that you are confused. There is no match between the thoughts, actions and words of the Salmon and It is nothing like It used to be. This confusion will create a subconscious will of taking actions in order to change the situation. This is the famous savior syndrome and it can become a full-time exhausting job. This is a job I took many times, I have an amazing curriculum when it comes to try to rescue my partners. But here is what I learned after I chased the emotionally unavailable Salmons of this world.
I am Héra, Spiritual teacher and intuitive healer and the Creator of Love Is the First Step. My purpose is to bring joy and peace in your relationships through a journey to self-love.
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I. There is no way you are going to make them change
I am sorry to start with this hard truth. But whatever YOU will DO won’t make them become suddenly healed and ready to commit. Healing happens when the person is ready, aware of its patterns, willing to heal and when they meet the right person to heal with. And this person might not be you. It can be their family, friends, therapist, mentor, influencers. But this won’t be you. And this won’t be you because this is not the relationship dynamic they can heal in. For the emotionally unavailable Salmon, you are a safety island where they know that they are loved because they have you on their hook. They are so insecure and afraid of being abandoned that having you on the hook is the only way for them to feel loved and desirable.
II. They simply are unhealed Salmons.
The emotionally unavailable Salmons are just… unhealed Salmons. They are not those manipulative narcs. Their behavior come from past traumas, from a deep limiting belief that they can’t be loved for who they are. In fact, you are both sharing that limiting belief and that is why you attract each other. But there is no amount of Love you can give them that can repair this wound if they are not allowing their hearts to break open and receive that love. That deep feeling of unworthiness results in a coping mechanism they created to be sure that they will receive love and attention without risking losing it. The conscious Salmon would say : “I can’t be love for who I am, so if I love you and commit to you, you will abandoned me. So, in order to feel reassured, I will let you take care of me as much as possible so that I can receive the attention I need to survive”.
III. This is not what you truly want
When you are chasing an emotionally unavailable salmon, you might tend to think that they are the right person for you. Let me get this straight: they are not. If they were, they will be the right person for you and you won’t need to chase them because they will be present, loving and caring, exactly what a real soulmate is. There is honor and respect, while the Salmon is exactly the kind of person that constantly disrespect you by taking actions that will hurt you. If you are being really sincere with yourself, and this is probably the moment where you can do some shadow work, you want better. But you are settling because that all you know. See, when two wounded people attract each other, they are here to heal something. And maybe the Salmon is teaching you to level up your standards and to understand how worthy you are.
If you are entangled in a relationship with an emotionally available Salmon, take time to notice how It’s behavior reflects how much It can’t love you right now. Take also a look at what truly hurts you and what belief system the Salmon is here to crumble. Address the following questions in a time of self-reflection:
– Do I feel worthy to be truly loved for who I am ?
– What am I fearing would happen if I am ?
– What is the kind of relationship I truly want ?
This will help you consider your relationships differently and, hopefully, meet someone that is willing to give you the love you deserve.
If you want to go further in this and stop attracting the unavailable Salmons of the sea, join the program “Love is the first step” where we uncover our core wounds in order to heal them or Book a private session !